


Bloodstained Oblivion

by NanakiBH



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Ending, Attempted Murder, Bad Ending, Betrayal, Hurt No Comfort, Incest, Kissing, M/M, Regret, Spoilers, Strangulation, Suffering, Unrequited Love, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 01:39:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12495584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: This is happiness, isn't it?





	Bloodstained Oblivion

**Author's Note:**

> ((Spoilers))
> 
> So the idea was "What if Akechi had been able to kill the Phantom Thieves and proceed with his plan?" When you consider the fact that Akechi was never committed to killing Shido... And that Shido's heart can't be changed if the Phantom Thieves are dead....... *nervous laugh* Oh no...

“What's wrong? You look surprised.”

Akechi stood before Shido's desk. He'd just arrived after having a pleasantly eventful evening.

He feigned obliviousness in front of Shido, but the charade was soon ruined when a laugh slipped out of his mouth. It was too hard to contain his amusement.

“Oh. Could it be you were expecting those men to show up instead?” he asked, politely referring to the individuals who had cornered him and pointed their guns at him as he was on his way home. He hadn't planned on visiting Shido, but he couldn't go back home without first letting Shido know why those men wouldn't be returning to make a report.

Eyes darkening with understanding, an uninviting smile widening across his face, Shido linked his fingers in front of himself on his desk and sat back in his seat.

“I see...” was all he said.

 

Akechi felt offended. It was like Shido thought that would have been enough. Just three men.

After everything he'd done.

After all the unnecessary people he'd eliminated for him.

Even the Phantom Thieves...

Every single one of them.

 

And he thought...?

 

With a sigh, Akechi stepped into the room, moving closer to Shido's desk one evenly-placed step at a time. “That wasn't very nice, Shido-san,” he said, smiling in an almost forgiving manner. He _was_ willing to forgive him – in his own way, of course. Things were moving ahead of schedule, but it was probably for the best that Shido forced him into action. If he'd let himself dawdle on the matter for any longer, Akechi was worried that he may have ended up losing his nerve.

He already knew that Shido didn't give a shit about him.

“That look in your eyes... Ruthless.” Closing his eyes, Shido nodded to himself. “You are indeed my son.”

Akechi's gun came out faster than Shido could even blink.

“ _Don't compare me to you!_ ”

His desire to put a bullet through Shido's head superseded the surprise of finding out that he'd discovered his identity.

“You're right,” Shido said calmly. Having a gun pointed in his direction didn't seem to faze him in the slightest. The satisfied look on his face was the sort of thing that gave birth to murderous intentions. “It was unfair of me to compare. My temper isn't anywhere near as sensitive as yours.”

What a joke.

It was almost enough to make Akechi laugh, but it wasn't very funny. He only felt like laughing at himself for ever having thought that he meant something to that despicable man. At the back of his mind, he always hoped that Shido was going to find an appreciation for him. It was there, sometimes. But it wasn't sincere. Or it wasn't enough.

Whatever it was, it didn't matter anymore.

It didn't matter.

He'd always planned to kill him, and that was what he was going to do.

“Come.” Shido gestured to the chair on the other side of his desk, facing him. “Have a seat.”

Akechi decided that he was fine where he was standing. “This was a little sooner than I'd planned, but I guess I have no choice, so I'll make the most of it. Any last words, Shido-san? I gotta admit, though, I'm kind of disappointed that you figured out who I was. I was looking forward to revealing that myself.”

That was the problem. It felt so anticlimactic. Since the beginning, he'd been planning to hit Shido with that curveball once he reached the peak of his power. After so long, he was finally there at the awaited moment, riding the eve of inauguration, but it felt like the whole plan was ruined by that one flaw. He didn't know how Shido had managed to figure it out, but it was disappointing.

“You thought I'd feel guilty?” Shido asked.

“No. I thought I'd enjoy the sense of dramatic irony,” Akechi admitted.

“Sorry for spoiling your fun.” When Shido laughed, his expression softened.

 

Why did he have to be like that...?

He didn't always seem terrible.

 

He and Shido... Although Akechi loathed to be compared to him, he recognized their similarities too well. The vicious gleam that he saw in Shido's eyes was the same he saw when he looked in the mirror each morning. Even if the world changed itself and allowed him a way to be happy, he knew that nothing would have been able to soften their sharpness. Looking at himself and seeing a reflection of the man he hated made him want to stab himself in the eyes...

He really hated it.

They were alike. But Shido was ahead of him. Years and years ahead.

So, surely, as he stood there staring down at him from the other end of a gun, Shido was able to smile so carefreely because he knew that he wasn't going to die.

 

It made Akechi want to spitefully pull the trigger right then without a further word just to prove him wrong.

 

He wanted to find his sincerity. If they were that similar, then Akechi just wanted him to explain it all. Everything about them. Who they were. What they meant.

 

“Alright,” Akechi said. “I think I prefer it this way. We can talk. I enjoy a good, lighthearted conversation.”

So, he took a seat, setting his loaded gun down in the center of the desk.

Conversations with Shido were his favorite. He didn't mind sitting down for a little while if Shido only wanted to chat with him, even if he was just trying to defuse him. It was a nice excuse for him to relinquish control. With his plan made into a disappointment, he was growing fonder of his alternatives.

“Shido-san, why were you trying to kill me?” he asked, shooting straight to the heart of the matter.

Shido's eyes traveled from his face to the gun between them. His gaze lingered there a moment before returning. “I think the present situation speaks for itself. I knew you had ulterior motives. You were too obvious. You're clever, but you're still just a careless child.”

Akechi shook his head. He knew what Shido wasn't saying.

“I visited your Palace. I found out what you really think.” His lip trembled and he cursed himself for letting his emotions show. “Have I really lost my usefulness?”

He would've felt humiliated if he died to a bunch of Shido's mooks. If his father was going to kill him, then Akechi wanted him to do it with his own hands.

“Take that thing back. I'm not going to kill a child in my office.”

“Ah... That's right. You don't like getting your hands dirty. Then, shall I do it?”

If he couldn't kill Shido, then...

Well, he'd already thought about what could be done instead.

Killing himself there in Shido's office would have at least caused him some inconvenience, and it would have pleased him if he could inconvenience him further by burning that image into his mind for the rest of his life.

One step ahead of him, however, Shido swiped the gun from the desk before Akechi could reach for it and put it in his desk drawer for safekeeping.

“Stop this,” he said. Releasing an exhausted breath, he leaned back in his chair and tiredly rubbed his forehead, looking so put-out. “So tenacious... God, you're just like that woman. Did she curse me...?”

 

What.

 

“ _You?_ ” Akechi repeated slowly, incredulously. He couldn't believe his ears. “You think _you're_ the one who's cursed...?”

He laughed and the light emptied from his eyes.

He may not have had the gun anymore, but that wasn't going to stop him from killing that man. He had his hands and they were enough to show him the kind of pain those words inflicted on him. After all, words alone weren't enough to make it through to a megalomaniac who thought of nothing but his ambitions, his glory, himself, himself, himself.

 

So he was going to show him.

 

Akechi took delight in the look of surprise that crossed Shido's face as he stepped on his desk.

It took one second for him to be on top of him. His weight sent them toppling backwards, sending them both crashing to the floor with the chair. It sounded like it broke when they fell on top of it. Anyone in the area would have heard the sound of their commotion without a doubt. Shido tossed his arms, but he couldn't dislodge himself, trapped between the chair and Akechi who sat on top of him, straddling his waist.

Akechi kept him pinned down, both hands around his neck.

“ _I'm_ the one who's cursed! The only tragedy you've experienced is the fact that you have no idea what kind of hell I've been through! All of it! _All of it!_ It's your fault! Just die already! _Die, you piece of shit!_ Die pathetically without understanding how badly you deserve to die!”

For the longest time, he'd wanted to strangle him, and he was thrilled to discover that it felt just as great as he expected it to. He felt the heat of Shido's skin under his hands, the frantic, terrified pounding of his pulse against his fingers. He pressed his thumbs down, threatening to crush his windpipe and blissfully basked in the sound of his straining gasps as he struggled to find air.

He looked so helpless like that, it gave Akechi a rush. It was too bad Shido wasn't able to speak. Akechi would have loved to hear him beg for his life. The wild look in his eyes as he realized that he was about to die was good, though.

Weakly, Shido patted him on the arms. At first, Akechi thought he was trying to make him stop. After a second, Shido gave up on that and started pointing a finger over his shoulder, toward the other side of the room.

“Akech-...” He put his hands over Akechi's, trying to pry them away so he could speak. “Th-... door-...”

What, was he trying to suggest that he lock the door first before killing him?

The lack of oxygen must have already been messing with his head.

“You think I care?” Akechi just laughed. “I don't care if anyone hears! I've waited my whole life for this moment! After I see the life leave your eyes, I'm not sticking around in this shitty world for a single more second. Even after I'm dead, I'll keep your soul here with me, chained to this rotten planet. I'll make you watch as everything you foolishly strived for comes crumbling down without you.”

He couldn't wait.

He could see it already; the fight was gone from Shido's expression. His face was turning an interesting shade and he wasn't breathing. But...

For some reason, it felt wrong.

He was supposed to fight back. His arms were free, so why wasn't he hitting him? Why hadn't he put a knee in his stomach to throw him off? Shido was a strong man. The difference in their size was incomparable. Akechi had known that if he'd tried to take him on barehanded, he would've had serious trouble.

He was making it too easy.

Why...?

“S-Say something, you bastard... Look at me.” It looked like he was already losing him. Shido's eyes were glazing over, and Akechi started to panic. Putting his hands on Shido's shoulders, he shook him, smacking the back of his head against the floor to make him wake up. “You aren't allowed to die until I say you can! _Look at me!_ Look at this worthless thing you created! This is your fault! At least take responsibility! Can't you even say 'sorry'?!”

He still had too much to say to him. Shido had to stay alive so he could tell him about all the ways he'd cursed him by bringing him to life. He wanted Shido to apologize and take responsibility for the terrible person he'd grown up to be without him.

“Please... Look at me... You're the only one who can. Please. I don't like being this way, Shido-san. I...”

He couldn't do a thing on his own. But when help had been offered to him, he'd ignored their outstretched hands. He was just so stubborn and eager to please.

In their eyes, he'd seen his hideous true form; an endless, hopeless darkness. Searching for himself in Shido who was so much like him was like navigating a pitch-dark maze. He'd been so disgusted by the image of himself that he saw in their eyes, he had no problem killing them. He thought that would erase it, but that dark something only seemed to spread once they were gone, as if killing them had extinguished a light.

 

“I killed them... Those kids... They would have... But, I...”

 

There was no hope for either of them, anymore. With his own hands, he'd cut their only support line and dropped them into an inescapable fate, all because of his selfishness. The excuse he'd always used to allow himself hesitation became irrelevant; Shido wasn't going to be a better person. And neither was he – not anymore. The darkness inside of him had reached the outside, and there was only one way left for him to settle things.

Shido was never going to acknowledge his worth...

 

As tears began to gather in his eyes, as his body started to tremble, the door suddenly opened and some of Shido's men entered.

 

“Sir? We heard a commotion.”

 

Shido lifted an arm with great effort and waved them away. It was questionable how much they were able to see with the desk in the way. Akechi hoped that if he kept his head down, they weren't going to notice him.

His men sounded flustered, like they thought they'd interrupted something. They had, but it probably wasn't what they were imagining.

They left quickly after that.

After they were gone, Akechi slowly separated himself from Shido and moved aside, allowing him to sit up. After all of that, Akechi couldn't help himself – he felt like he'd failed him somehow. He felt like a disappointment. He felt like he didn't even deserve to look at Shido anymore.

His anger and subsequent despair had stolen his energy and greatly dampened his murderous drive for revenge.

He heard Shido cough as he steadied his breathing. From the corners of his eyes, Akechi watched as Shido sat up and fixed his clothes. The chair was as much of a wreck as he suspected it would be, so it was pushed out of the way. The silence that followed made a sweat break out over the back of Akechi's neck, and he feared what sort of punishment he would face for having put his hands on him.

He didn't know why he still cared about what Shido thought of him. He'd already decided that he was going to kill him... From long before then, he'd decided, but at that moment, he knew that he had to.

“...You're crazy,” Shido said.

Akechi lifted his head and sadly took in the look of utter disgust on Shido's face.

“What are you going to do now if I don't kill you?”

Shido got up and sat on the floor in front of the window. He replied without turning back to look at him. “The same thing I planned. I'm going to run this country.”

“I guess that's fine. I don't care what happens to the country,” Akechi said quietly. “You could light the world up in flames for all I care. The country... The world... Nothing like that has ever mattered to me, and maybe you know what that's like. I don't care about other people. I only care about myself, and-... Maybe I care about you. But that's also my own selfishness, isn't it?”

If Shido could always take the things he wanted, then why couldn't he? The things he wanted felt very simple compared to the conquest Shido was interested in.

Shakily, Akechi got up and moved himself to where Shido was. He sat down next to him at the window and tucked himself against his side, putting himself under his arm.

He still didn't want to look at him. He knew what kind of face he'd see. But, for that moment, no matter what else was to follow, Akechi enjoyed that warmth.

“Damn brat... This is why I didn't want to deal with you,” Shido said. He sighed loudly. A few fingers roughly grabbed Akechi by the jaw and tilted his face up. “Look at you.”

It was too much.

Receiving Shido's raw gaze made Akechi feel exposed and vulnerable. Unable to look away from the eyes that stared into his, his heart throbbed painfully in his chest, overflowing with conflicting feelings. He didn't want Shido to see him looking so shameful, but, at the same time, he wanted him to look and take it all in – to accept him as the sad person he was.

Taking a trembling breath, Akechi placed one of his hands over Shido's and earnestly looked into his cold eyes. “Please... Even with hatred, with disgust... Would you please continue to look at me, Shido-san?” Even he knew how pathetic that made him sound, but he couldn't help it. There was no holding back the tears that fell down his face. “Please, just acknowledge that I exist. This world... I can't stand it. Even its moments of happiness seem to exist just to mock me. But your world... You're the only one who exists there. If I could be in that place... If I could be the only person who exists in your heart besides you...”

Shido released him and turned back to the window. He pulled a pack of cigarettes out from his jacket, shook one loose, and lit it. He must have been very bothered. Normally, he didn't like smoking in his office.

It might've been the first time anyone had ever said something like that to him. Akechi was surprised by how thrown-off he appeared to be. He really hadn't expected him to feel guilty, but there was no other way to describe the complicated look on Shido's face. If he'd killed him right away when he'd felt that urge to pull the trigger, he may have never been able to see that look.

“You really are just like her... Acting like I owe you something...” Shido took a deep breath and let the smoke plume billow up the side of the window. “You're a stupid kid.”

Akechi nodded. “I know. I could have sought a better kind of life, but this is what I chose. I deserve to be cursed by all the people I killed for my selfish grudge and the feelings I have for you.”

“I don't need anyone but myself.”

Yeah. That was what he expected. It was disappointing, but Akechi felt resigned.

“But...” As if hearing the chime of hope, that one word made Akechi's ears perk up. “It might not be bad to keep someone so efficient around. I failed to kill you, and you couldn't kill me. I suppose that makes us even, so shall we call a truce?”

Akechi couldn't let himself get too excited.

It sounded like Shido still wanted him to kill for him. Unless he was trying to hide what he was really thinking, Akechi couldn't figure out what else he would have meant by 'efficient'. It wasn't like he minded – he was willing to do literally anything for him – but he was only willing to help him under the condition that Shido would acknowledge him.

Shido's cold gaze didn't make him feel fulfilled. He wanted more from him than that.

“Well? What do you say?”

For the moment, Akechi just nodded his hesitant agreement. “However,” he began, letting himself become bold, “the price for my services has increased.”

“Oh? Hm...” Shido looked loath to admit that he couldn't find a more competent hitman. “Fine. What do you want?”

Getting up onto his knees, Akechi faced him. Putting his hands on Shido's shoulders, he made him turn toward him, then leaned in and kissed him on the mouth. He kept his eyes open, watching Shido's face. It wasn't a romantic kiss by any means. It didn't inspire the sort of feelings Akechi was looking for, but it was enough. As a moment of person-to-person physical contact, it was sufficient.

He let his teeth catch on Shido's lower lip and savored the taste of his blood on his tongue as he pulled away.

Shido hissed, and the severe look in his eyes made Akechi momentarily feel wary that he intended to strike him for that. Instead, he chose to rein in his emotions. Akechi recognized that look because it was a mood he felt all the time.

When Shido opened his eyes, he lifted his cigarette to his torn lips and took another slow drag.

“...I understand,” he said.

“I won't be satisfied with just one kiss,” Akechi said firmly, clarifying his intentions. “You can have this damn country. What I want is you.”

“I know that isn't all you want.”

Shido grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him into a violent, open-mouthed kiss. Akechi's breath got caught in his throat as Shido's tongue forced its way into his mouth, but he didn't attempt to push him away. Just like Shido assumed, that was also something he wanted; to be held and dominated by him. He wanted that man to belong to him, but he also wanted Shido to treat him as something of his own.

Even if it wasn't everything, Akechi wanted to indulge in that kiss for as long as he was allowed. He put his arms around Shido's shoulders and moaned quietly at the lingering taste of smoke, at the warmth of Shido's fingers on the back of his neck.

Again, he felt disappointment when they parted, getting the sense that although he would miss the feeling of his lips, Shido wouldn't have said the same.

Akechi searched his eyes.

“What I really want... might be something you can't give me now.”

Shido smirked confidently.

“I have everything.”

 

Maybe life was never meant to feel fair.

 

Well. After the mistakes he'd made, that was what Akechi wanted to believe.

 

“You're a mess.” Pulling him close, Shido used the back of one of his sleeves to dab at Akechi's tear-stained face. For him, it was an unusually affectionate gesture. It made Akechi's already-bruised heart feel even more delicate.

Still, he had to smile. It took a little effort, but he smiled.

The further his heart slipped into darkness, the more he struggled to find a real sense of happiness.

The laugh Shido had given him... The smile that surprised him with its warmth...

If he and Shido were indeed the same, running laps apart from each other on parallel tracks, then Shido's heart, far ahead of his own, had to know a darkness Akechi could only imagine. He didn't want to imagine it, though.

He just wasn't going to think about things like that anymore.

Not at all.

Because he was content.

Because he had Shido.

Because it could have been worse.

 

He was going to be happy.

 

Akechi laughed cheerfully and traced his fingers over the discolored marks on Shido's throat. “And look at you. Well-... I suppose that's my fault, isn't it? People will wonder what this is about. You better do something to hide it unless you want people to think you're into something kinky. You're going to be all over TV soon, you know.”

Shido stood and pulled Akechi up with him. For the time being, he replaced his broken chair with the one from the other side and sat down behind his desk. “Could you fetch me something for this?” he asked, rubbing at his neck with an irritated scowl. “A bag of ice and a wet towel? Maybe someone trustworthy who knows a thing or two about makeup?”

“Can do,” Akechi said agreeably, eager to put himself back to use.

 

Ah...

He'd kissed him. And Shido had looked at him so earnestly.

Such happiness.

 

“Oh-”

 

When he reached the door, Akechi turned back around. He regarded Shido with a smile, lashes lowered.

 

“May I have my gun?”

 

Shido stared for a moment, then opened his drawer and took out the gun. He turned it around in his hand and held it out for him to take.

Akechi let his fingers brush over Shido's as he took it from him. Holding it, feeling the weight of it in his hand, Akechi stared at him, feeling a strange, dangerous impulse beginning to take shape inside his heart.

He put the gun away in his coat and stowed that feeling there beside it on the left side of his chest.

“Don't get too lonely while I'm gone.”

He left the office.

 

As he walked down the hallway, he paused, getting the vague feeling that something wasn't right. As if things were too good to be true, he felt the need to look over his shoulder. The Phantom Thieves weren't there to stop him anymore, though.

That was fine, wasn't it...?

He was happy.


End file.
